I just feel like I'm drifting. Everyone I meet will pass me by in the end. I had so many friends, and they've all gone away. Do I just pick suckers, or is it me? I often wonder why I'm so difficult for people to like. My whole life I've been told that, "it's really hard to love [me]". I've got my more than fair share of enemies, but why do they dislike me? Have I been so cruel to them that I deserve it, or is it something else?
I've been told many times that it's not my fault, people are intimidated by me. I seem to have it all sorted out, I know what I want and where I'm going. I grew up in a nice house, with a nice family, we had pets, I had clothing, food, shelter. People were jealous of the love and kindness that I was surrounded by growing up. But, is that a reason to hate a person? There are people who were once considered very dear to me, who I know sit around talking about me and wishing they could plot against me. That sounds paranoid, I know, but I wouldn't think that if I didn't have evidence given to me to prove it.
So, tell me, why? What is it that's so horrid about me that causes people to hate. To want to ruin me, tear me down. Am I perfect? Absolutely not, not even close! Am I a wretched person? I'd like to think not, but how do I know? It seems every time I make a new friend, it only lasts a few months before they're telling me how I'm worthless. Who tells a fellow human that? Who says to a person the words that they are worthless? It's so harsh, and something no one deserves to be told.
I've never said such a thing to them, never have I used my sharp tongue in a damaging way to cut them so deep. I have never in my life been mean or cruel to them. There have been times where after the fact my tongue may have been sharp, and I may have been cruel, but never to ruin a reputation. I've never gone out of my way to make someone's life miserable. So why do they turn and do that to me?
I'm no better and no worse than any other human, and that is what I do to keep my ego in check. No one is better than I, and I am no better than any one. Yet, they believe they are better than I, and they try to take me down. Right there, in that statement, I feel I just answered my own concern. If one is "better" than another, who does the tearing down? The lesser, or the greater?
I think we know.
I think the best thing I can do right now, is be the best person I can be. I should watch my tongue and what I say, and I should back down and let people live their lives their own way.
Seems more than appropriate.
