Here I sit, shoving fries smother in gravy and cheese down my throat. For some reason it makes me feel a little bit better, well, it stopped the crying and I don't feel as empty inside. Funny how I used food to fill my metaphorical internal hole. Ha, that sounded so melancholy.

I just want to be better than I am. I want to be better than best, I want to be perfect. I sometimes feel like I have so many words inside of me, and sometimes they actually come out in a semi-logical pattern that maybe I should write them down. Hence why I am here - I'm writing my words down.

I've never felt like a good person, I've never felt like a good enough person. I've never been able to be satisfied with myself. So I decided that I should start writing about it, maybe, maybe other people feel the same way as I do. I've always been a compulsive overeater, well, not always, but since I was about nine.

It's just how I "cope" with things, I mean avoid until they turn into 20 pounds on my body and then I hate myself even more than I did before. I've never been very good at puking up the food I ate, and I've never been very good at not eating the food I can see and smell. I always felt like I was unlucky, of all the eating disorders, I got the one that makes me fat.

I've always been a little that way, instead of seeing the good, it's the bad. I always had to get x instead of y, so I end up with a instead of b. And dammit, b always is better, right? Wrong. Which is why I'm blogging, I want to write my thoughts out so I can get opinions and come back and re-read. I want to grow and learn, I want to learn how to be better than the best, I want to be happy. I want to learn how to find a balance in my life of happiness, satisfaction, and still being a good person.

So, How to be Better than Best was born.